As you might've heard, there's a project I've been working on with some really cool people. Here's the script, revised. We only have about 3 bits to film, and then we're ready to edit.
I've included some pictures so you can get a feel for what we have going on, and hopefully you enjoy it!
Real Vampires
by
Amber Jene
Revisions by
Chloe Zak and Amber Jene
Erin: Amber Jene
Daphne: Chloe Zak
Eric: Nicolas Guerra
Robert Esser: Robert Esser
Weirdo: Monique Lecompte
Guy: Nik Misafiris
Mad Lady: Marie Gonzales
Barista: Leah Venegas
Paparazzi: Ryan Melideo
*****@****.com
650-****
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
1 1
ERIN and DAPHNE both PALE with VAMPIRE TEETH sit talking to
the camera.
ERIN
Hi, I’m Erin and this is my friend
Daphne.
DAPHNE
(British accent)
Hello, hello there!
(a photo on the set of Real Vampires. Chloe plays Daphne)
ERIN
Annnnd, we’re vampires.
DAPHNE
It’s pretty cool. Not gonna lie.
ERIN
Ya, super cool. We can do super
cool vampire things. Like...
DAPHNE
Like, we can be really pale. Like,
abnormally pale.
ERIN
(Mocking Daphne’s accent)
And have abnormally troublesome
teeth. Especially this one, being
from England.
(Motions to Daphne)
DAPHNE
(Laughing and upbeat)
Oh, what! Cause English people have
bad teeth? You’re horrible! Stop
it.
ERIN
You stop it!
They laugh.
DAPHNE
I’m never talking to you again.
ERIN
(to camera)
See what I have to deal with?
Forever?
INT.KITCHEN- DAY
2 2
Erin and Daphne show the camera the empty FRIDGE and give a
thumbs up.
Cut to them sitting talking to the camera.
ERIN
I’ve been a vampire for...about 8
years.
DAPHNE
And I’ve been a vampire for...oh
wait, were you finished?
ERIN
Ya.
DAPHNE
I don’t want to cut you off.
ERIN
No, you’re cool.
DAPHNE
(back to talking to
camera)
I’ve been a vampire for 12 years.
So not that long.
ERIN
Uhh so old.
DAPHNE
(to Erin)
Get out of here!
(to camera)
Not that long.
ERIN
And we’re both single. It is
surprisingly hard, as a vampire, to
find someone you like enough to....
Ok, let’s say you’re getting
intimate with someone and...
(to Daphne)
Help me out here.
DAPHNE
It’s really hard not to kill
someone after you’ve fucked them.
ERIN
Exactly.
DAPHNE
It’s really hard! And I won’t do
blowjobs anymore. I just won’t.
ERIN
Ouch, ya. I stopped doing those in
like 2002.
DAPHNE
Good for you. Ya, it’s just
downright painful to watch, isn’t
it?
(to camera)
It’s the teeth, they get in the
way.
ERIN
It’s kind of funny though. In a
way.
DAPHNE
You’re sick.
Erin laughs.
INT. GROCERY STORE- DAY
3 3
Erin is in the DENTAL AISLE talking to the camera and looking
at the PRODUCTS.
ERIN
So here I am at the store, and I am
buying whitening strips, beCAUSE,
no matter how many times I whiten
my teeth, these ones, well, they’re
bloodstained.
(realizes she said that
loud and whispers)
They’re bloodstained. So this is a
necessity.
She bends over to reach something.
ERIN
I always get Crest cuz they’re like
super potent.
A GUY in the aisle stares at her ASS and she notices.
ERIN
Ok, it is REALLY obvious that you
were staring at my ass right now.
GUY
I wasn’t staring at your ass,
bitch.
Erin does the stereotypical vampire hiss and gets really
close to the guy.
ERIN
Don’t fucking call me a bitch!
A stranger looks over and Erin backs off.
ERIN
Ugh, you don’t even know! Ugh!
Where’s my Crest Whitening Strips??
(To camera)
He’s so lucky we’re in a fucking
public place. What an asshole. God,
he like totally ruined my day.
CAMERAMAN
Just wait until he goes outside.
ERIN
Wha? You want me to?
EXT. GROCERY STORE PARKING LOT- DAY
4 4
Erin is waiting outside the store for the guy. He comes out
and she runs and tackles him. Sucks his BLOOD. When she’s
done she leaves him in a BUSH, laughs and walks away.
INT. HOME OFFICE AREA-NIGHT
5 5
Daphne is sitting at a laptop talking to the camera.
DAPHNE
The way we get our ‘food’ sort of
varies. You know, we try not to
kill people too too often.
Sometimes you’ll find someone who
likes you to get blood from them,
like sort of a volunteer. But I
personally use them as a last
resort cuz...they’re bloody weird.
FADE OUT TO
FLASHBACK.
INT. A GIRL’S BEDROOM-NIGHT
6 6
A weird gothic appearing GIRL is sat on her bed surrounded by
CANDLES. Daphne is sat below the bed holding the girl’s
WRIST.
DAPHNE
So I’m just going to pierce here.
(points to girl’s wrist)
It will be over before you know it,
ok?
GIRL
(staring at Daphne)
Uh huh.
DAPHNE
Ok, here we go.
Daphne bites into the girl’s wrist and the girl starts
moaning. The moaning increases and increases to the point
Daphne wants to get out of there.
DAPHNE
And...we’re done!
GIRL
That wasn’t very long.
Daphne begins to get up and collect her belongings. She moves
towards the door.
DAPHNE
Yes it was. You’ve just lost a lot
of blood, so you’re judgement of
time is off.
GIRL
Oh.
DAPHNE
Ok, bye!
GIRL
(confused)
Erm...byyye
Daphne walks out the door and shuts it behind her. The girl
stares into space and breathes deeply. She shudders and
exhales in a euphoric and creepy manner.
FADE OUT.
INT. HOME OFFICE AREA-NIGHT
7 7
FADE IN:
DAPHNE
So when I do need to look for
victims, or whatever you wanna call
it, what I do is I go to the
personal section on Craigslist.
Where I find all sorts of strapping
men. I don’t know if you’ve ever
been on here, but it’s quite
entertaining!
Plays on the computer looking at shots of naked men and their
private parts over and over, commenting and laughing with the
camera man.
INT. LIVING ROOM- DAY
8 8
Daphne and Erin are chilling in the living room. Erin is
reading a BOOK and Daphne is flicking through TV CHANNELS.
DAPHNE
Erin, Erin, look, look, look!
ERIN
What? What?
DAPHNE
Look! Shhh, just look!
Camera cuts to a view of the Television and you see a TMZ
type SHOW with PAPARAZZI following a STAR.
(on the set of Real Vampires. Robert playing himself)
PAPARAZZI (O.S.)
Robert, Robert! You’ve snagged the
role of a lifetime! How do you feel
about it?
ROBERT ESSER
I feel pretty awesome, wouldn’t
you?
PAPARAZZI (O.S.)
Where are you going now?
ROBERT ESSER
I...I can’t tell you that, sorry.
PAPARAZZI
Come on, talk to us for a sec!
ROBERT ESSER
How about you call me on my cell?
PAPARAZZI (O.S.)
Ok, what’s your number?
ROBERT ESSER
Um, 12345678.
PAPARAZZI (O.S.)
Oh COME ON!
ROBERT ESSER
Hahaha!
Robert gets in his CAR and speeds off as the paparazzi knocks
on the window and tries to continue to talk to him.
CAMERA CUTS BACK TO DAPHNE
DAPHNE
Oh my God, Erin! It’s that guy I
was telling you about! It’s that
guy I used to date! Look at him!
He’s all grown up! He’s so...
ERIN
Gorgeous!
DAPHNE
NOW he is!
CAMERA CUTS TO TALKING HEADS SCENE
EXT. PORCH STEP- DAY
9 9
Daphne is talking to the camera looking FRUSTRATED
DAPHNE
Robert Esser, in case you don’t
already know who he is, is an actor
who is getting a lot of attention
right now due to being cast as the
lead in the new Spielburg movie.
Which is really quite annoying as
he also happens to be my ex
boyfriend. We used to date back in
the late 90s before I became a
Vampire.
FADE OUT TO
FLASHBACK.
EXT. STREET- DAY
10 10
Daphne and Robert WALK and SKIP up the street dressed in 90’s
CLOTHING being cute and acting in love. He gives her a
PIGGYBACK and they laugh and joke.
(Chloe and Robert on the set of Real Vampires.This is a flashback to when they dated in the late 90's)
FADE OUT.
EXT. PORCH STEP- DAY
11 11
Daphne is STARING into SPACE.
DAPHNE
Yeah...he’s really cute now. Hmmm.
CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
Well, are you able to contact him?
DAPHNE
Hmmm...ya, uh huh, maybe. Yes.
Well, I have his old phone number.
Or I could tweet him! Yes, that’s
what I’ll do!
CAMERAMAN
Just call him. That would be really
cool.
DAPHNE
Why would he remember me? That was
like 12 years ago. You know, how
about we save that for another day
(nods head)
EXT. PARKING LOT- DAY
12 12
Parking lot that is surrounded by STORES and a COFFEE SHOP.
Erin is arguing with a MAD LADY while a STRANGER watches from
the PATIO of the coffee shop.
MAD LADY
I want to see your insurance, cause
I’m not paying for this!
ERIN
I’m not giving you my insurance
because I didn’t hit your car.
MAD LADY
It wasn’t there before I left, and
now you’re parked right where it
happened!
ERIN
Give me evidence that I hit your
car, cause right now, I’m looking
at red paint and I have a BLUE car!
ERIC the stranger comes running up to the two ladies.
ERIC
Excuse me! Hi, um, I don’t mean to
interrupt, but I was sitting over
there- and I saw the person who hit
your car, and it wasn’t her. It was
somebody else and they drove off.
So, just wanted to put that out
there.
MAD LADY
Well, what am I supposed to do now?
ERIC
I dunno, maybe you could go be mad
somewhere else?
MAD LADY
Fuck you!
She leaves.
ERIC
Just a thought. Sorry. Alright...
He gives Erin a little nod and goes back to where he was
sitting before. Erin watches the lady drive off and goes to
leave herself but then decides to go and thank Eric.
REAL VAMPIRES - EP. 1 (PILOT) JUNE 2011 9.
ERIN
Hey, thank you so much for doing
that. Thank you. That was really
nice.
ERIC
Hey, no, don’t worry about it. I
could tell from all the way over
here that she was a major bitch. So
you know, no problem.
ERIN
Thank you. I mean, who does that?
Who yells at a person with a blue
car when you’ve got a dent with red
paint on it? Obviously the person
had a red car, right?
ERIC
Oh, I don’t know. I didn’t really
see who hit her car, I just made it
up to help you out.
ERIN
No way! You’re freakin’ awesome.
What’s your name?
ERIC
Eric.
(They shake hands)
What’s yours?
ERIN
Erin.
ERIC
E-R-I-N?
ERIN
Yup.
ERIC
E-R-I-C
ERIN
Whaaaaaat?
(laughs)
ERIC
I don’t know if you’re busy, but I
happen to know of this really great
coffee shop and it’s actually not
too far from here.
If we walk there now, we could
probably get there in liiike
(checks watch)
10 seconds? Cause it’s that one
(motions to the coffee
shop behind him)
And I was being stupid.
ERIN
Ya, ok, sure! I love coffee.
(When he’s not looking she throws a look to camera that shows
she’s excited but also that she’s just lied about loving
coffee as Vampires don’t drink coffee. )
INT COFFEE SHOP- DAY
13 13
ERIC
I already got a coffee, so I’ll
just get a water or something. But
you get whatever you want, on me.
ERIN
Well, if you’re not getting one, I
don’t want one either.
ERIC
No, you have to get one. You
already said yes.
They are now at the counter. The BARISTA sees them.
BARISTA
You guys ready to order?
ERIN
He just wants a water...
ERIC
And she’s getting something too.
What do you want?
ERIN
I’m ok, really.
ERIC
She’ll have a coffee. The biggest
size. Is that ok?
ERIN
You’re super sweet.
BARISTA
$2.15
ERIC
What can I say? Hey, you had a
rough day, you know? It’s my
pleasure.
Erin SMILES and tries not to show her teeth. They walk over
to the handoff station.
BARISTA
Largo coffee!
They collect the coffee and sit down at a table.
ERIN
Mmm, smells so good. Oh, one sec
I’m going to put some cream and
sugar in.
ERIC
Oh yeah, go for it.
(smiles)
Erin walks over to the condiment bar and the camera catches
her dumping all the coffee into the TRASH. She eyes the
camera, then looks to Eric and smiles. She pretends to STIR
her drink, and SIP it.
Erin walks back over to the table. They get to know each
other, laughing together. All the while, Erin pretends to
drink her coffee.
Cut to them saying BYE and leaving the coffee shop.
EXT. PARKING LOT- DAY
14 14
ERIN
Thank you so much for saving me
today. And for coffee.
ERIC
You are very, very welcome.
(smiles charmingly)
ERIN
Ok, so have a good rest of your
day.
ERIC
Oh for sure, you too. Bye Erin.
They hug then separate. Erin gets into her car. Has a moment. She
realizes something.
ERIN
PAUL!!!
CAMERAMAN
Ya?
ERIN
I forgot to give him my number!
Ohmigosh. Hurry!
CAMERAMAN
What do you want me to do?
ERIN
Where’s a paper?
CAMERAMAN
I don’t have any paper!
ERIN
Hurry!
They find a paper and WRITE down her number. Paul runs and
catches up to Eric who is about to turn his CAR on. He rolls
down his WINDOW. Paul hands him the number. Eric smiles.
ERIC
Thanks man.
Cut to cameraman getting closer to Erin’s car, then getting
into the PASSENGER seat.
ERIN
You gave it to him?
CAMERAMAN
Ya.
ERIN
And, what did he say?
Just then she gets a TEXT MESSAGE from Eric. She reads it,
smiles and shows it to the camera.
It reads: Dear pretty girl, what are you doing Saturday? -
Eric.
FADE TO BLACK
REAL VAMPIRES - EP. 1 (PILOT) JUNE 2011 13.
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